Do I know you?

One of Sam's little quirks is his memory. He finds remembering people very hard but is so lovely everyone forgives him. Often he will strike up a conversation based on the fact I have said 'good morning ' to someone passing in the street. He thinks that if I speak to someone, then he knows them.

Conversations often go like this:

Sam: Hello, do I know you? Have we met before , I think I know your face?

Random Person: ( looking bemused and puzzled in equal measures) Erm..I don't think so.

Sam: I live ( gives address as far as he can remember it)

Random Person: Oh that's nice....

He then takes this as que to launch into whatever his favourite subject of the day barely pausing for breath. He is lovely and engaging, even when the random person has no clue what he is saying and I often have to fill in the gaps. The Randoms are often left standing with a vague , punch drunk look and as we walk away ( read, I prise Sam away by one of many distraction techniques I have up my sleeve) he usually pipes up in his 'voice that carries' 'Do I know Them?'. He has this vulnerability that I adore and that also scares me and makes me glad I am with him.

It's the same with films, even ones we have watched over and over. He cannot remember the names or characters, whether they are good or bad guys. It takes him many visits to see people and places before everything clicks and even then if there is a gap he will forget again. The key is to find something he can associate with the place we visit, something that resonates. One park is 'Bob the Builder' park because he remembers the ride he liked as a toddler. It makes me smile how doing things that prompt him have become 2nd nature to us as a family. Things that if someone else was working with him they wouldn't understand. Things that we love about him and accept. Things we believe with time he will find his own method of accommodating and working round.

It's often been commented to us that concentration for him is hard. However after spending so much time with Sam I know that this isn't the full picture at all. Find what interests him and he will give it his all, he will concentrate so hard and not give up easily. Today was a perfect example of that. 

We ordered Rockstar for the family as Brian and I would like to improve our guitar playing and the children have asked to learn too. Little hands find it hard to get the technique right but neither boy gave up and tried between them for over an hour, insisting they didn't need any help. They tuned their guitars and practiced and practiced. It was definitely worth the money and we suspect will be used a lot more and will work better than sending them to lessons every week.

I am currently trying to find my way through my doubts about how the children learn best. I read a lovely article, http://www.livingjoyfully.ca/anneo/I_Am_What_I_Am.htm which is leading me on to further reading. I still don't feel I have quite learnt enough about unschooling or autonomous learning. I still feel pulled very unhappily, as my friend T says, by 'stubborn school think'. Possibly because I am often challenged to prove where the boys are with their learning by outsiders and the extended family.

I can recommend this article 

http://www.livingjoyfully.ca/anneo/Highly_Sensitive_Shine.htm which has helped me through these last couple of months, which I will readily admit, have been frustrating and depressing. Not because of the children or their needs but because of the lack of understanding and critisim I am facing from 'professionals'.

Living the life we do, meeting the people we have, through the wonderful world of Home Educating lets me see , one size doesn't fit all, there is another way. Ok it's not mainstream and many do not understand your methods but for us it works. 

Currently I am struggling to pick my way through some issues but I am always looking to improve on any mistakes I make, change our methods to suit whatever the children's current needs are. To us it's about having the flexibility to re evaluate, change , mash up and mould our methods into a way of constantly moving forward. What it isn't is expecting the children to change themselves, who they are or to insinuate they need fixing. It is my responsibility to adapt their education, help them succeed and move forward in the least problematic manner. 

This is not to say that there aren't still frustrations for them, that the children are not expected to understand others needs, theses are very important life skills to possess. However, if support and comfort is given at the right time our children develop and flourish in to very aware individuals. Sometimes this is delayed whilst they process what happened, sometimes it's a wonderfully, spontaneous thing that happens exactly at the right time. What I have seen over the last 1.5 years of this journey is an awareness developing in their own ability, when to offer help to others and why it's ok to be different. The boys have been given a safe time and place to express themselves and develop new skills because they wanted to and were given the appropriate support at the appropriate time. Even when we have had to step back from certain activities due to difficulties we say ' maybe this isn't ok for us now. We won't give up, we will revisit this activity when we feel the time is right for us all'.

It may seem a simple technique but we are seeing some awesome results from it, some real reflection taking place and a new confidence and belief coming from the children. It's not about failure, it's about taking time to learn and find a way forward. It's a skill I am so proud to see them developing.